sonder

[prettygoodword]

sonder (SON-der) - n., the profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it.


A strong hit to solipsism. Coined in 2012 by U.S. writer John Koenig in his blog The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, where he tries to come up with names for emotions that currently lack words -- this one was inspired by German sonder-, special and French sonder, to probe.

---L.

Comments

[full_metal_ox]

That’s a downright inspired coinage. Not only does Koenig seize upon a coincidence of spelling to fuse two words, in different languages with unrelated meanings, to arrive at a novel third, but the word also evokes “wonder” and “ponder” in English.

And it’s a useful corrective to this sort of attitude:



(Image: five stick-people figures, each traveling alone, riding the subway—thinking in what they little suspect is unison: “Look at these people. Glassy-eyed automatons going about their daily lives, never
stopping to look around and think! I’m the only conscious human in a world of sheep.” Source: https://xkcd.com/610/)

[prettygoodword]

It's EXACTLY the corrective to that attitude.

[falkner]

What a neat word! I remember the first time I had this kind of realization it really scared me, haha.

[prettygoodword]

I don't remember when it first hit me. I do remember, when young, sometimes picking a particular person out and trying to feel it for just them.

*makes a note*

[minoanmiss]

I was afflicted with this in my teens, and more recently with the realization of how many people will glance at me and never ever apply this to me. A somewhat frustrating combination.

Re: *makes a note*

[full_metal_ox]

Consider it less an affliction than an inoculation (whose effects can be uncomfortable and disconcerting, but will further your well-being in the long run.) That minimizes the likelihood that you’ll treat the shoppers ahead of you in line as an undifferentiated mass of Thing In My Way, or the delivery worker as the Thing That Makes The Pizza Happen, or those new neighbors who speak, look, and dress in unfamiliar ways as The Things Making Me Uncomfortable.

And the earlier that realization hits, the better—a dismaying number of people grow old without outgrowing the attitude that they’re the protagonist of the universe, surrounded by NPCs. I’m sure you’ve dealt with some.

Re: *makes a note*

[minoanmiss]

You are of course right. I just occasionally wish I could ever want to snap back at people without my conscience immediately reminding me, "they must be having a stressful day" etc. My coworker recently told me I'm too nice. laughs at myself

Re: *makes a note*

[prettygoodword]

Very frustrating, to me.

[conuly]

Weirdly, this is the second time in two hours that this concept has come up.

Personally, I try not to think about it too much. It's mildly distressing.

[prettygoodword]

If you don't mind my asking, distressing how?

[conuly]

It's like sitting in a train car, stuck in a tunnel, through the windows of another train going the other way and also stuck.

Even though your car is the one actually going where you want to go, you want to be in the other one, at least enough to see everybody clearly. But that's not going to happen, so you just look through the windows.

[prettygoodword]

Gotcha. Thanks.